“Hey, can we get together sometime? I would love to catch up and selfishly, I’m not doing that great and need to pull people in closer….reaching out to you. I feel like I’m stuck in hell right now and can’t seem to get out. I’m being honest here….I’m really not good. I’ve been working so hard Krista, but I really can’t do this alone anymore. I’m pretty much rock bottom. The trauma and crisis just never ends. I’m in a lot of pain – it’s crippling and I can’t move from it – I can’t reason my way out. I have to believe that I’ll get through this. I have a hard time believing that there is hope and happiness for me. I’m sitting in my car in the garage…..tears….
How can this be?
She’s strong.
She’s resilient.
She’s a warrior.
I called a friend and we immediately headed over to her house. We hugged and cried and did our best to provide reassurance, support, guidance and love. We came up with a plan.
Her posts on social media are joyful, lighthearted, filled with love and happiness. She’s always smiling. She has a beautiful life with her children, a gorgeous home and a loving family. Her children attend a reputable school. She’s a stay at home mom. She’s a minivan mom. A soccer mom. She bakes cookies and brownies for the bake sale. She volunteers at her children’s school. When you see her, you ask her how she’s doing and she always says “I’m good.”
She’s not good. She’s not alright. Her whole entire world has been crumbling down around her. She wakes up in the middle of the night and she can’t breathe. She drops her children off at school and she smiles at the teachers and other parents. She goes home and cries uncontrollably. She can barely get through the days, anxiety has taken over. She is powerless.
She is a member of the Down syndrome community. I’ve known her for five years and in that time, we have laughed, cried and shared our deepest fears. We have talked about our marriages, our children and some of the dreams that we have for our community and how we can pave a smooth road for those with Down syndrome. I thought she was ok. I thought that she was managing.
I thought that her world was just like the rest of my friends. I mean, they are ok, right? We are all ok, right?
I recently met up with another friend. She told me that she has no friends. They all left her after her son was born. All of her friends are medical mommas. Those are the ones who get it, if it takes her days to respond to a text. They understand if she has to cancel plans at the last minute. They get it. When we parted ways that day, I cried for her. I cried for the moms who are struggling. I cried for those who are making every effort to get up in the morning.
I’ve struggled. I’ve cried myself to sleep. I’ve felt overwhelmed. I’ve felt like a failure as a mom and a wife.
We have thrown ourselves into the world of social media, where we compare our lives to those around us. We filter the shit out of pictures. We filter the shit out of our real lives. We have formed unrealistic expectations of life and friendships.
Call a friend. Text a friend. Reach out to a friend. The simplicity of…..
“How are you doing?”
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Plato